Hi!! I’m having a lot of trouble because since it’s pride month, I’ve been browsing the aroace tags on tumblr. But there’s a LOT of discourse and a lot of aros who aren’t romance repulsed seem to be shoved out… and it makes me feel like I’m not aroace enough? Because I love Alastor and my partner sys… Because I’m in a romantic relationship…
I feel really, really bad… And I don’t really know what to do… Would it be bad for me to take TransAroace (or even just transaro) to cope with feeling inadequate for the community?
I’ve been on the verge of tears because of this all day.
It’s ok to be transID for any reason. Also Tumblr doesn’t have the final say on what’s and what’s not aroace. If you feel cis-aroace, that’s valid. If you feel trans-aroace, that’s valid. I’m cis-aroace(specifically aegosexual and aegoromantic), and I say you can still do romantic stuff and still be aromatic(my fiancé and me does this). There’s a difference attraction and doing. You can feel no attraction and still do something, which is what many aroace do(myself included).
It’s just hard for me because I see a lot of exclusion towards more romance and love inclined aros. It makes me feel invalidated and like I’m not aro/aroace enough because it seems like the black and white “if you’re aro/aroace, you’re loveless. If you’re not loveless, you’re not aro/aroace” and it keeps pushing me away from the community… There’s so much romance bashing, at least that I see of…
Like no hate to loveless aros/aroaces at all, I should say!! It just feels like they’re the only ones that get attention and everyone else gets pushed out. We should be there for our Aro/Aroace sibs, you know? Regardless of if they like romance or not. But it’s so hard to find aros/aroaces like me…
If any of this makes sense.
Note: Using both aro and aroace because it’s in both communities a lot, aroace a little less so, but still a lot in both communities.
That’s understandable. If it helps, you’re not alone and there are other aro and aroace like us outside.
It’s valid to be a transid for any reason, coping or otherwise. In your case I don’t think tumblr is good for you though, or, anyone really. You should come to Oddballs, much more friendly :3
I am on Oddballs, actually! I’ve been trying to distance myself from Tumblr, recently.
What’s Oddballs? This is my first time hearing it.
An instance ran by Ezra who is one of the greatest beings ever (bias), very chill and open to all paras, artists and fandoms :3
I sent in my application :3
Oh cool, I’ll look into it.
I’m trans orientation in the sense that I wish I wasn’t such a late bloomer. I feel like such a freak not developing sexual attraction until 18, whereas I’d asked my friends (back with my normie friends) and they had been horny for years before being adults. Part of me wishes I wasn’t a late bloomer just because of how bad it makes me feel that I was. I know I shouldn’t because it’s just societal norms or whatever but it makes me feel so bad, I wish I was a horny teen or kid so bad. Even though it’s in the past now
I can kind of understand. Weirdly, it’s the opposite for me! I was a very early bloomer in a lot of respects, and I wish I was more normal in that fact. I didn’t find out I was aro until… Less than a year ago! It feels so weird to go through years of being hyperrose and then… turn out to be aroace. It feels like a contradiction!
If you ever think your sexual identity needs to conform to a community standard, leave that community immediately. It is incredibly toxic.
The problem comes along that I want to meet other Aroace people, yet other Aroace people are very toxic on the tumblr community, in my experience.
