Hello, I go by Oaks, my chrono age is 22, my internal age is fluid from 5 to 45 but I’m usually between 6 and 12. I have some questions relating to being an AAM/AAP and MAPness.
So, uh, I’m a little nervous cuz this is the first time i found a space where I dared to ask these questions, I’m also not natively English, so please forgive any mistakes. I put the NSFW tag on as I’ll mention trauma. I also edited this a bunch for structural and such reasons.
I think my AAM identity came only after I was sexually assaulted (which did result in trauma), does that in any way change things about it, like what term I’m supposed to use?
I only really confirmed it when I met my partner. At 16 I met my partner, who was 24 at the time. He didn’t know my age, as I tend not to talk about it and I have always looked way older than I am so he didn’t ask. It only came up when we were already in a relationship. Does that make him a MAP?
Some friends of mine have called him a pedo and said he’s abusing me but I don’t feel that way. I have to defend him all the time when people find out. One even said she would never believe me he’s not abusive because AAM is “a term only pedos and groomers use”. Even when I told her it’s the term I found to describe me. He hasn’t caused me trauma, he always worries about consent, he doesn’t even want to dom me unless I really ask him to. He’s a gentle giant and a sweetheart. He never groomed me, there was no need. I loved and still and will forever love him. How do I make people understand I was capable and willing to consent? After I was assaulted, I knew what it meant to have intercourse and what I didn’t want. It only felt natural to go find out what I did want. I’ve had partners of my own age who were more abusive than he ever was.
How old do you have to be to be considered a MAP? When did you know? Did you feel scared about the truth of your attraction? Or like you should change who you are even though you know you can’t?
Oh! And I need some writing advice. I’m writing a book with an AAM as the main character, based on my own love story with my partner (but it is in a fantasy setting and only a B plot), would MAPs hesitate to engage or would you kinda jump on the opportunity or does that depend? Also, let me know if y’all want updates!
Thanks for reading and feel free to also ask me questions!
If he didn’t know your age at first, I think it’s probably OK and he’s not necessarily taking advantage of your age and relative naivete. I think in general that young women need to have their wits about them when dealing with men under 30, so my advice is to be honest with yourself if you spot red flags with this guy.
But if you’re now 22, he’s not necessarily a pedo. If he’s into your ageplay and young identity, and he treats you fine, it sounds like you should try to keep him around
I have been a MAP since I was a teen but I didn’t really know or accept it and I only learned that term recently (I’m 40). I’m certainly not exclusively MAP. I actually think everyone is MAP and that’s why we have laws about interacting with minors
As for your story, I would hesitate to engage fully. It would depend on all kinds of things. However, being able to communicate mutual desire would be great and help me enjoy whatever time I get to spend with that person.
I was recently in a situation where I couldn’t communicate my mutual interest and it pained me. I think it would have been beneficial for the girl to receive honest feedback and affection but it was not possible for many reasons. An overall dangerous situation for me
I think my AAM identity came only after I was sexually assaulted (which did result in trauma), does that in any way change things about it, like what term I’m supposed to use?
Not really. If it came about because of trauma, you can call it traumagenic if you like, but that’s about it. You are the way you are, regardless of the reason.
Does that make him a MAP?
Based on that alone, I’d say no, but you’d have to ask him.
How do I make people understand I was capable and willing to consent?
Good luck. There seems to be no convincing people once they’ve made up their minds. I’ve never heard of anyone successfully doing so.
How old do you have to be to be considered a MAP?
There’s no minimum. If you’re still a kid and attracted to others the same age, you wouldn’t typically be considered a MAP unless that doesn’t change when you get older, but it’s possible you could know right away. I’ve heard people say they knew as young as 7 or 8.
When did you know?
I was about 13 or 14, I think. Found some… appealing (but legal!) pictures of kids on Usenet and realized right away they were way sexier than any adults.
Did you feel scared about the truth of your attraction? Or like you should change who you are even though you know you can’t?
Nope. I’m pretty lucky in that regard. It’s never bothered me at all.
would MAPs hesitate to engage or would you kinda jump on the opportunity or does that depend?
Depends a lot on the individual, but I think most of us would be pretty hesitant. The fear of getting caught is strong, and there are a lot of issues and ways for things to go wrong even if you don’t. Depends on their judgment of the AAM, too — how old they are, how well they can handle the stress, etc.
Thank you so much for your response! I have no one in my real life who is this open-minded, so it’s very refreshing to talk to someone who understands. Sorry for the messy formatting, I’m on phone and new to the way this works.
It’s good to know my trauma doesn’t change things. It feels like people don’t think trauma based (shifting in) identities aren’t considered valid, especially when it comes to being an AAM and such things.
My partner in no way identifies as a MAP. He loves me despite my age, not because of it. It appears being called a MAP by my “friends” has caused him some psychological distress. It’s too bad humans don’t want to see truth when it doesn’t match their view of things. They missed out on a wonderful friendship/relationship with my partner and me. I won’t let anyone call my partner a MAP as an insult (MAP is NOT an insult on its own, to be clear. It’s the way it’s used that is insulting in this case) while it’s causing him distress. No friend of mine will cause harm to the love of my life. I will bite ankles for him if I have to /j
I think I might be a MAP, as well as being an AAP. People of my chrono age aren’t attractive to me at all. Younger and older people are. Well, for as far as I feel attraction, as I am generally asexual for humans. I just hope no one will ever find out because I feel ashamed to even think about if I am or not. The fact I have to ask myself that question makes the shame kick in hard already. It feels even worse than when I found out I’m zoo, even though that’s arguably worse. If you or anyone else has any advice on how to deal with the shame, it would be most welcome.
The AAM in the book is 16 and pretty mature for her age, though she does still enjoy childish things. The love interest isn’t necessarily a MAP, though it’s easy to see him as one. I wrote him to be extremely hesitant but I wasn’t sure if that’s usually the case. I’ve heard many stories about “predators” just jumping on the opportunity and I know that that’s not how it usually goes but I also don’t know how it actually usually goes. What would you do if a mature 16 year old throws themselves at you? I mean that as an honest question, to be clear.
Thanks again for reading and responding!
If you or anyone else has any advice on how to deal with the shame, it would be most welcome.
A lot of people say just being in the community is helpful. Being around people who understand how you feel and being able to talk about it openly go a long way toward making it feel normal. That’s the best advice I’ve got, anyway.
What would you do if a mature 16 year old throws themselves at you?
16’s older than I go for, personally. But if I were into that… Yeah, I’d have some concerns for sure. I’d want to make sure she knew what she was getting into, to whatever extent I knew myself, and I’d certainly fret a lot about what might happen if anyone found out. But I’d probably go for it in the end.
Thanks again for responding!
The community has definitely helped to make me feel less bad about things. There should be no shame in unusual attraction types. I am very happy to have found such a nice and open community!
Thank you for talking about my book with me, it’s been really helpful!
Thanks for talking to me in general! You seem cool! Feel free to send me a message or something if you want to
