Hello, I go by Oaks, my chrono age is 22, my internal age is fluid from 5 to 45 but I’m usually between 6 and 12. I have some questions relating to being an AAM/AAP and MAPness.

So, uh, I’m a little nervous cuz this is the first time i found a space where I dared to ask these questions, I’m also not natively English, so please forgive any mistakes. I put the NSFW tag on as I’ll mention trauma. I also edited this a bunch for structural and such reasons.

I think my AAM identity came only after I was sexually assaulted (which did result in trauma), does that in any way change things about it, like what term I’m supposed to use?

I only really confirmed it when I met my partner. At 16 I met my partner, who was 24 at the time. He didn’t know my age, as I tend not to talk about it and I have always looked way older than I am so he didn’t ask. It only came up when we were already in a relationship. Does that make him a MAP?

Some friends of mine have called him a pedo and said he’s abusing me but I don’t feel that way. I have to defend him all the time when people find out. One even said she would never believe me he’s not abusive because AAM is “a term only pedos and groomers use”. Even when I told her it’s the term I found to describe me. He hasn’t caused me trauma, he always worries about consent, he doesn’t even want to dom me unless I really ask him to. He’s a gentle giant and a sweetheart. He never groomed me, there was no need. I loved and still and will forever love him. How do I make people understand I was capable and willing to consent? After I was assaulted, I knew what it meant to have intercourse and what I didn’t want. It only felt natural to go find out what I did want. I’ve had partners of my own age who were more abusive than he ever was.

How old do you have to be to be considered a MAP? When did you know? Did you feel scared about the truth of your attraction? Or like you should change who you are even though you know you can’t?

Oh! And I need some writing advice. I’m writing a book with an AAM as the main character, based on my own love story with my partner (but it is in a fantasy setting and only a B plot), would MAPs hesitate to engage or would you kinda jump on the opportunity or does that depend? Also, let me know if y’all want updates!

Thanks for reading and feel free to also ask me questions!

  • iwakanEnglish
    2·
    6 days ago

    If you or anyone else has any advice on how to deal with the shame, it would be most welcome.

    A lot of people say just being in the community is helpful. Being around people who understand how you feel and being able to talk about it openly go a long way toward making it feel normal. That’s the best advice I’ve got, anyway.

    What would you do if a mature 16 year old throws themselves at you?

    16’s older than I go for, personally. But if I were into that… Yeah, I’d have some concerns for sure. I’d want to make sure she knew what she was getting into, to whatever extent I knew myself, and I’d certainly fret a lot about what might happen if anyone found out. But I’d probably go for it in the end.

    • OaksOP
      2·
      6 days ago

      Thanks again for responding!

      The community has definitely helped to make me feel less bad about things. There should be no shame in unusual attraction types. I am very happy to have found such a nice and open community!

      Thank you for talking about my book with me, it’s been really helpful!

      Thanks for talking to me in general! You seem cool! Feel free to send me a message or something if you want to