smash

boys 🥰

darkly-compact, but I’m not a fan of lemmy-ui altogether so if there will be a chance I’ll pick an alternative

Does biastophilia count? It’s something I don’t wanna ever experience, but it’s so interesting at the same time

Electrophilia

that’s a boring name but at least it has a name :3

Hell yeah! :3 ⚡

I’m not sure if it counts as a paraphilia, but I guess electricity? There’s something about the idea of current running through my body, bonus points if non-consensually. I don’t care if it hurts and I’m not even a masochist.

I don’t know much other survivors, but I guess? There are plenty in the paraphile community as far as I know. Though, I have talked with maybe two, and a lot of them went through worse things than I did making me feel a bit fake, but that’s something I need to work with myself

I am not aware of those spaces and I don’t know much other CSA survivors, currently I find refuge in a paraphile community as people are more understanding and the topic doesn’t feel that much of a taboo making it easier to speak about it.

I can relate to some other posts, but only on the mental health topics, I haven’t heard a story in any way similar to mine, probably because most of people wouldn’t even perceive it as abuse, unless they have experienced it themselves.

It happened once when I was 12, would’ve happened more if not my absolute refusal to my parents.

When I was an older teen (~15 to ~18) I had doctor appointments of similar nature - nothing serious, just checkups, thought not really initiated by me. I strongly refused them, sometimes with threats, but it worked. It felt like I was losing control all over again, as if I was a public property to be looked at and touched on request. Those were the months where my anxiety disorder peaked and there wasn’t anything else I could think about, all my actions were based on just protecting myself - today it’s better, I’m trying to analyze situations and not make impulsive and potentially destructive decisions, though my trust to doctors is permanently gone.

Contrary to what others may think, I don’t think that event was motivated by any sexual desire from the abuser, especially that the event happened in front of my clueless parents. She abused her position as a pediatrician, maybe she wanted to show she’s in power here and I wasn’t allowed to disagree? I don’t know. What was happening was so ambiguous to me I only learned that there was something wrong when I was 19 years old, but all the trauma and anxiety was with me all this time and to this day affects me a lot to the point of disability in certain things.

We are in this together then, thanks for teaching me new things about myself, that means a lot to me

A lot I would say, a large majority of my fetishes are somewhat related to the event, where those topics also can make me have an anxiety attack if I’m not in the mood. It’s a really strange thing which I still to this day not really understand and make me feel invalidated at times, because why do I keep fantasizing about it and everything around it if I would rather die than experience it again?

There’s a certain level of trust I have to gain before I am able to be nude in someone presence, otherwise I just panic. I’m comfortable with my current boyfriend though and I trust him a lot

I was able to join but e2ee breaks and I cannot see messages, also I think the encryption is not really needed for a public room?

How do you live with it? Is there any way to cope with it rather than just surviving? Honestly I hear about PDA for the first time and as I read about it I feel called out

Well, in my case it’s just painful to do anything someone asks me to. Even if it’s a thing I’m initially enthusiastic about, as soon as other people and some kind of pressure is involved I no longer wish to participate or do anything, it no longer feels voluntary and I feel extremely frustrated and I need to go through series of mental breakdowns to even do a smallest thing in that direction. It affects me to the point where I had problems with the law in the past, anything that was forced upon me felt like slavery and my only instinct was to avoid it or refuse and break free.

here’s mine

How do you say meow, is it just short simple meow or something like “myawoo” with long oo at the end

How does it feel like exactly and how does it work? I think I do have it too, but I’m not certainly sure