Setting it as NSFW due to the sensitivity of the topic. Doing it as a kind of self-therapy kind of thing as I kept it a secret for majority of my life, feel free to ask me anything.
Setting it as NSFW due to the sensitivity of the topic. Doing it as a kind of self-therapy kind of thing as I kept it a secret for majority of my life, feel free to ask me anything.
Contrary to what others may think, I don’t think that event was motivated by any sexual desire from the abuser, especially that the event happened in front of my clueless parents. She abused her position as a pediatrician, maybe she wanted to show she’s in power here and I wasn’t allowed to disagree? I don’t know. What was happening was so ambiguous to me I only learned that there was something wrong when I was 19 years old, but all the trauma and anxiety was with me all this time and to this day affects me a lot to the point of disability in certain things.
You refer to your abuse as an event. So was it a singular incident? Or did it occur over a prolonged period?
It happened once when I was 12, would’ve happened more if not my absolute refusal to my parents.
When I was an older teen (~15 to ~18) I had doctor appointments of similar nature - nothing serious, just checkups, thought not really initiated by me. I strongly refused them, sometimes with threats, but it worked. It felt like I was losing control all over again, as if I was a public property to be looked at and touched on request. Those were the months where my anxiety disorder peaked and there wasn’t anything else I could think about, all my actions were based on just protecting myself - today it’s better, I’m trying to analyze situations and not make impulsive and potentially destructive decisions, though my trust to doctors is permanently gone.