cross-posted from: https://rqd2.net/post/43811

Hello, I’m Oaks. Thanks for reading my post.

Edit: I went to the doctor. I’m on antibiotics and will make a full recovery soon.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I’ve been severely mistreated (and that’s an understatement) in nearly every way, which makes me cistrauma (though I am transseverity for most of my cisIDs related to my traumas). I am cisC-PTSD and cisDID and all that junk thanks to it all. Because of all that, I’m easily scared and (re)traumatized. My partner has to do most things outside of the house because I’m too scared to go outside.

Yesterday, however, something happened. Something I feel like it should have given me trauma. It did make me very afraid but I don’t think I actually got any trauma.

I went outside to walk my sweet little white havanese dog, Snowdrop, she’s a wonderful dog but she is practically blind, not even a foot in height, and already an anxious dog. She’s 3 years old (born with eye problems) and pretty playful with dogs her size. She’s pretty careful though. I was walking her with someone, who was helping me around the house, thank the gods cuz it could have ended uglier. She was paying close attention to Snow while I was trying to process any danger in the area. I was too slow. I saw a neighbor with her dogs, said hi and only after registered her dogs were not on a leash (Snow was). They’re fast and strong dogs, at least twice the height of Snow, and really hyper. One black, one brown, they are beautiful, but almost totally untrained. Mind you, we were in a park, not a dog park, a normal park. Other people come there, children come there. These dogs would have easily pushed over a 10 year old. They came running over, ignoring their owner’s recall and went straight for Snow. When they started to come in our direction it seemed like they were pretty calm for once but when they got within 5 to 2 meters it seemed like lightning had struck. They came at us so fast, I can barely remember what happened next. They basically attacked her. They were “playful” but way too wild and wouldn’t stop or leave her alone. I jumped in between, as best as I could, to protect my furry baby. But the owner just stood there. She did try calling them back multiple times but the dogs refused to come, continuously trying to get to Snow. I was bitten and scratched, mud got all over us. Snow still has a muddy paw print on her back where she got slapped or kicked, we tried cleaning her with some pet wipes but she was absolutely terrified. I have a wound on my hand that within 24 hours became infected even after having washed it and used disinfectant so I’m about to leave to go to the doctor. We had to call the vet today because Snow was clearly uncomfortable. She got antibiotics and painkillers. I feel like this whole ordeal should have caused me trauma or some form of severe distress, and while I experience some distress, it’s not where I feel like it should be. But then again, maybe I am traumatized and this is how my brain decided to cope.

Anyway! Thanks again for reading! And letting me vent to y’all a little.