I think I was around 14 or 15 when I started discovering this side of my sexuality. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, so it was either one of two things:
I first started noticing that I was still attracted to kids a lot younger than me, which prompted me to look for loli/shota porn, and then I started to accept myself and identify as a MAP…
Or I first started getting into loli/shota, which made me realize I was also attracted to kids and then I started to accept myself and identify as a MAP.
At any rate, I was always good with computers so I quickly figured out the inner workings of the MAP world. At first I wasn’t even sure if I was a MAP or not and I had this idea that I would seek professional help to “not hurt any kids”.
A lot has changed since then and I’ve become much more comfortable with my sexuality. Thinking back to when I was younger, this pretty much echoed how I felt about being bi - going from denial and thinking that I should go through conversion therapy to being out and proud. (Well, I’m not out about being a MAP, though I am proud.)
Now the only thing I’m struggling with is trying to figure out if I’m also zoosexual or just a confused furry lol. Though because now I’m a lot more comfortable with expressing and exploring my sexuality I don’t feel guilty about this possibility, and I’m more willing to accept myself if I am indeed a zoo - though even if I’m not I think the struggles of MAPs and zoos are very similar so I’ll definitely still remain an ally.
I don’t even know if I’d label myself a MAP, since it’s sort of like, an exception almost. Not something I ever think about for the most part, but my one “partner” (not sure what else to call her) is intra age 14 (We are similar in terms of chrono). It doesn’t effect my attraction to her much, but considering I do see her as such, I suppose I could be a MAP. It’s not something I think about too much, but, it’s there in a way.