(tagging as NSFW just in case, even though I’m not sure if it counts)
TL;DR - questioning being an autozoophile of the reptilian variety but am not sure if this is truly what I’m experiencing.
I didn’t wanna discuss this on Tumblr because some of my friends are younger minors and I don’t want to get my account terminated. But I’m questioning being an autozoophile - for those who don’t know, that means you’re attracted to the concept of yourself as a nonhuman animal. I’ve felt like this for a few years but stumbled across the term about a week and a half ago.
Specifically, I think I may be attracted to seeing myself as a crocodilian, which is kinda weird because I think mammals are the most common preference? I’m most drawn to spectacled caimans and gharials.
Thing is, I don’t know if this is a paraphilia or not because I’ve never felt sexual attraction or arousal. I’m an (extremely) sex-repulsed asexual, and I know asexuals can still have paras and whatnot but it’s never been like that for me.
It feels kinda like how sexual feelings are described, but it’s always described as feeling good, not a distressing, borderline painful sensory nightmare like it is for me. Plus I’ve never felt anything, physical, psychosomatic or otherwise, when attempting physical stimulation. Instances of possible attraction also tend to only happen in dreams; rarely when I’m awake - though this could be because in my dreams I can either be or be turning into a crocodilian.
I also think it may have formed from trauma, if that’s anything. It may be tied to the societal perception of crocodilians as evil, nuisance animals, and possessions in the form of leather products and pets.
I guess I’ll treat this like a Q&A so other zoos and paraphiliacs in general can maybe help me figure it out. I’ll try consulting my therapist as well but I don’t know how much help she’ll be. I find asking the actual community is one of the best courses of action.
First off, I love crocs so I’m giving love to this! I personally am I mostly sex-repulsed Ace (I am not opposed to performing acts, only recieving), and I don’t experience physical stimulation the way most people do anyways. (I feel a buzzing, stinging sensation in my hands from certain thoughts, not much else). With that, my autozoophilia is mostly affected from me being a therian, where I’m not comfortable with the memories always, but they still appear with the same “feelings” they did when I was a snow leapord and polar bear, and the feelng is odd! It also makes me feel a draw to other polar bears and snow leapords, but something my human body is opposed to engaging in, and is confused by. I know this was a lot about me, so, to be clear: Do you think it could have this sort of ‘animal self’ versus ‘human self’ disconnect? These things can make the experience hard to tell, so trying to mind map how you feel about certain prompts and other things could also help. (Mind maps were the best tool in my therapy so I do reccommend them.)
Ah, good to know other sex-repulsed aces that are autozoophiles. Funny thing is I’m also a therian, but I’m not attracted to being my actual theriotypes! As for the actual question, it’s hard to tell because I’m just now confronting it. I don’t think my human and croc self are connected in the same way a therian identity would be - I don’t really display any caiman behaviors for example unless I explicitly choose to. I think they’re connected in some way, as in one of the aforementioned dreams I was turning into a gharial, so this depiction is clearly me and the feelings are tied to myself. Granted transformation is how I express a lot of big emotions so that instance isn’t exactly reliable. There must be some level of disconnect though, as I don’t identify as a crocodilian in any way and don’t see myself that way involuntarily with the exception of dreams.
