In my source I was mistreated a lot, and I still want some of that, but not as much. It’s a weird balance to strike. I find that fan content for my source either really leans into the abuse, fixes it too much for my taste, or depicts it in a way that’s kinda hard to believe (like having the characters suddenly act less abusive or less bothered by abuse, but still too abusive for it to be written off as a total fix-it AU).
Anyway, any of you ever feel conflicted about what type of harm you want to inflict (or want inflicted upon you)? Or like you’re harmfluid or something? Is there a word for that?
I’m so sorry I saw this late!
However, I have a few alters like this. One particular alter is in a similar situation, however, the difference is, he has a very complex dynamic that no one really explores. To kind of explain, he’s been in a conabuse relationship with someone from his source since before we knew what conabuse was lol. While he is definitely the one on the receiving end of abuse, he’s still very domineering and uppity. A lot of people portray him as just someone who accepts the abuse, or even (rarely) him as the abuser, when he’s VERY uppity and enjoys fighting back to some extent.
But no one explores that dynamic! No one wants to really explore the uppity victim who lashes out and sasses his abuser. They want to only show the “sad victim” taking the abuse. It’s kind of irritating to him.
No one likes finding “middle grounds” in these things. I wish people would explore things more :C
No need to apologize. We get responding late, clearly.
I totally get why that would be irritating to him. Fans assuming shit about me, overlooking the nuances to me as a person… I’m so sensitive so it really bothers me. Not all the time but when it does, it hurts.
Thank you for sharing. I feel less alone.