In my source I was mistreated a lot, and I still want some of that, but not as much. It’s a weird balance to strike. I find that fan content for my source either really leans into the abuse, fixes it too much for my taste, or depicts it in a way that’s kinda hard to believe (like having the characters suddenly act less abusive or less bothered by abuse, but still too abusive for it to be written off as a total fix-it AU).

Anyway, any of you ever feel conflicted about what type of harm you want to inflict (or want inflicted upon you)? Or like you’re harmfluid or something? Is there a word for that?