The Day Before Disaster - Story time

For better understanding of the situation please read following posts:

please note: I will talk about self harm in this post.

And now let’s get into the story. The talk which we wanted to have did not happened on the day it was planned because I got sick. I interpret that as a sign that this stuff did too much damage already. But a few days later I was able to go into my project again.

12.3.2025 was the “finale” talk where I should find out what is actually wrong. My two social workers where there, my mom and the guy who manages this stuff and mostly takes the lead. And well, it was a shit show. We talked about my pictures again and some poems I wrote which even were not hard core sexual. On time I wrote in a verse about naked skin against fur but that was it. While the talk and before my mother and I told them more than one time that someone has to tell me which topic is appropriate there and which not. Because I struggle with seeing it by myself very often. But they just did not want to understand. They know I am autistic, they know my diagnoses, they know that stuff but they ignored everything. again.

The leading guy also did not let me and my mother really talk. He always cutted our sentences with his own words.

Again we both told them that I had therapy and all my therapists would disagree with me being a danger. The leader guy disagreed. He also told me that when I would be abusive that others would ask why they(the project) did not do something. He and the two others also did not react when I said that I relapsed because of the way they where treating me. I did selfharm many days. Legs, harms, shoulder, breast. They did not care. Instead they kept putting me and my mother under pressure with “I need to look for help”.

Me and my mother told them again that if I see that I could be a danger then I am the first one to look for help. The leader guy did not take that serious. Instead of trying to understand our points he said the same shit over and over. He even told me that it is already very late for me to look for “help” in my state. Wow. Under tears I just said,: “I am no ticking time bomb”. The leader guy said that they never told me that. But they did. Just not exactly this sentence. And he began to talk the same stuff over and over again. In the end it was me who stopped the talk. The conclusion of this was then: I have to look for therapy places and stuff like that in a certain time span. Which time span was not sure, we wanted to talk about that next week.

My problem here is that:

-He did not really let me and my mother talk

-He put me under pressure(time span) again

-He did not take us serious

-The social workers just said “yes” and stuff to his ideas like they could not think for theirselves

-He indiractly told me and my mother many times I am a danger

-He did not take my mental struggles serious and ignored everything which I said about my relapsing

-The topic with art was already talked out before (https://rqd2.net/post/41083)

And for your your information: This project is actually for people with mental struggles.

What are your thoughts? Let me know if you want to. And if you think this is the last post…no it is not. It gets even worse. It has a reason why I call it “The Day Before Disaster”.