[I wrote this copypasta years ago. Enjoy.]

The human penis is certainly among the finest in the animal kingdom. It is generally of robust, satisfying proportion, features subtle ribbing that provides sturdiness and enhanced sensation, has smooth, sliding skin which reduces friction and provides excellent mouthfeel, and is visually interesting with its many veins, skin folds, and a glans with a shape that suggests sleekness and a color that changes to demonstrate the intensity of lust.

However, it is certainly not the best. It is firmly in third place.

In first obviously comes the horse. I won’t go into great detail on horse cocks, as they are already quite popular even with the non-zoophilic general public. The size, the shape, and the power of the animal a horse cock is attached to are all part of a sexual mystique that has been well explored in many cultures throughout history.

There is one other kind of animal, however, that has us solidly beat, even though it has no such following. I speak of the spectacular, over-the-top sensuality of the amazing “red rocket” possessed by canines. We ignore this one, perhaps, because dogs are generally much closer to the majority of us than horses. There is no reason to romanticize the mundane, as we do for the equine penis, and we are often quite scared of our dogs’ sexuality, since we do have to live with them instead of just looking at them in a field we’re driving by. By acknowledging that it’s at all there, we are forced to deal with it in a fashion other than having the vet remove it, and we are usually more worried about what that means for us than what it means for them.

Nonetheless, dog penises are wonderful, a fact which deserves to be recognized even if the vast majority of us will never experience one firsthand.

The first thing that anyone will notice about a dog’s erection is the color. “Florid” is the best word I can think of to describe this beautiful display. From angry, fire engine red, through every possible shade of pink, with some extraordinary specimens additionally featuring deep purple and glistening white, an erect dog’s penis rewards the viewer’s eyes with the full spectrum of colors that our culture associates with the urgent desire of lust. As it comes out of its sheath, its palette seems to beg to return to a warm and cozy place inside the body of another.

Its form and functionality are similarly titillating. The pointed, very slightly flared tip allows for easy entry without being completely smooth, and while perhaps not as visually exciting as the glans of a human, certainly gets the job done comfortably and efficiently. The size when fully erect tends to be very impressive in proportion to its owner, often being much thicker and somewhat longer than the average human penis. However, most people aren’t fully aware of that, because of another handy trick the canine dick can perform.

When the action begins, it’s much smaller. Very thin, and a bit shorter. Once it’s in, or played with sufficiently, it inflates to its full, throbbing size, allowing for the receptive partner to adjust more comfortably. No inflatable dildo I’ve ever seen has such a wide range of widths as does our best friends’ tackle. They usually just seem to start at “too big” and get “slightly bigger.” A dog’s penis is much more friendly, allowing even the novice to enjoyably accommodate something really fat and juicy.

And juicy it certainly is! One of the best things about wolf wang is the precum. There is so much! And unlike ours, which merely drools when we get close to the end, theirs begins squirting almost constantly, nearly as soon as the fun begins. The result is a satisfyingly messy taste sensation that is truly without compare. On the other end, this also serves a practical purpose, contributing greatly to the fact that a dog penis is self-lubricating, a trait I’m sure we’ve all wished we could share at some point.

Of course, no discussion of dog dicks would be complete without a mention of the crown jewel, the one thing that most strikingly sets them apart from us: the bulbus glandis. Ranging in size from a rather small plum to near that of a softball, the swollen base of a canine’s cock is both an invitation and a challenge. Do you want to take the knot? Can you? Once you have, of course, there is the dizzying feeling of being dominated, not by your partner, but by your own desires. Trapped there on the floor for up to twenty minutes, one must simply wait and enjoy the feeling of being so consumed with lustful passion that the fear and shame of being caught seem immaterial. When you are tied, it is inescapable that a part of your identity is firmly outside of the mainstream’s comfort zone. A piece of your soul is there, wrapped tightly around that dog’s twitching, squirting dick just as surely as your pussy or ass is.

The thing that draws many to such interests is the fact that this is a perfectly symbolic microcosm for all of our sexuality. In our culture, even purely vanilla sex is often made to feel “naughty.” The most banal and benign aspects of sexuality are couched in terms that make us feel a little wrong to want it, even in the strictly defined contexts where it’s not supposed to be. In that moment when you accept the knot, and make yourself incapable of defense against whatever might occur should your door suddenly open, you have decided that you’re not going to play that game anymore. The world may say you’re a filthy slut; you’re happy to be one, if that means enjoying yourself to the fullest with your most loyal companion.

Overall, it is simply a fact that your dog’s dick is better than yours in nearly every way that matters. It’s alright to feel a little jealous, but I think it would be nice if we as a culture could recognize this more openly, similarly to how we do for horses. Happiness in this strange and beautiful world in which we live lies in fully appreciating all of nature’s marvels, and nature has certainly made the canine penis marvelous.