I’m noticing that a lot of people don’t seem to be open to hearing nuance regarding CisHarm identities. To a point it’s very irritating.
I could fall under Cis or Trans harm. For several reasons.
Dropping my coping mechanism, I went through RAMCOA. I could technically fall under both Cis and Trans Nazi because I was programmed to be a Nazi as a child via RAMCOA. I still struggle, to this day, with intrusive thoughts and knee-jerk reactions towards things I don’t understand. I still, mentally, respond with hatred and fear. I didn’t ask to be like this, and I’m doing my best to recover. However, that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly not that. I’m recoverING, I’m not recoverED.
I’m still going through an active journey of self-improvement, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still respond as if I was never a Nazi. I have to take time to look at what I don’t understand and talk to people to understand. Sure, I’m slowly recovering. But I’m not recovered.
This same thing could apply to people like me who are programmed certain ways, such as people with Prince Programming, who were forced to sexually assault people, or even just recovering bigots, amongst a lot of other reasons one would identify as such. These are just a few reasons one may identify as CisBigot or CisRapist or CisNazi.
And this is completely disregarding cases like Conabuse relationships, as my partners and I have agreed to do horrible things to each other within our boundaries! I’m a CisStalker, because I stalk my partners with their consent, and have for years! They love that I do that! Similarly, my partners could fall under CisRapist because, with conabuse, they have done such to me, and I’m okay with that!
It’s not always meant in bad faith, but rather as a way towards recovery, or even as a coping mechanism for things they were forced into. CisHarmful people could be fully transitioned TransHarmful people.
CisHarmful is not the same thing as CisGender, and we need to stop acting like it is. Please, have nuance towards people! As long as there’s no non-consensual harm, I don’t care!
People don’t like to acknowledge how widespread abuse is. How widespread bigotry is. So they select some types of people to be irredeemable evils to target frustration at, instead of trying to understand how this occurs and how this can be mitigated. Which in and of itself is understandable.
Some of us are cisharmful so we really like this post. Thank you. Living in shame and exile does not help us improve. It’s not on others to improve us. If individual people don’t want anything to do with us then that’s their right. But society at large should be more accepting of cisharmfuls because that’s what works. Not condoning the harmful actions, but accepting the people behind the harmful actions.
It can be hard for some to believe that cisharmfuls deserve kindness. It can be hard for cisharmfuls to believe they deserve to move on from what they’ve done. But it’s what works. And nobody deserves to suffer. For the most part, we are parts of the universe that exist ultimately without choice. We are forces of nature that are most enjoyed when at peace. I might move a rock that’s in my way but I wouldn’t punish it for being heavy. Inflicting judgment for no practical reason, but just on principle? It’s not a pleasant way to live in my opinion.