Back when I was 15 I was friends with this 11 year old kid. He was only 4 years younger than me but I had been taught so 11 was too young to find attractive. Whenever I was with him I got really awkward and nervous with what I now know were romantic feelings but I couldn’t face that possibility so I convinced myself he had a crush on me.

I thought it was so obvious, I feel so awkward when I talk to him bc I can tell he has a crush on me! That must be it! I went home and told my dad and all my siblings about this 11 year old boy who had this super obvious kid crush on me. I had been taught that having crushes on kids was wrong but kids having crushes was cute and innocent(as long as they didn’t act on them) so I decided it was that instead.

I spent literal hours daydreaming about dating him. About meeting him again when we were older and marrying with kids, rationilising it as “wanting to imagine what it was like if he got what he wanted (bc I defo don’t want it that would be creepy)”.

Looking back that was very, very obvious and I don’t know how I managed to trick myself like that. I don’t know that kid anymore but I hope he’s doing well. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll meet him agin and my daydreams will come true!